Sunday Morning Sadness

I used to love Sunday mornings. I would wake to my wife's caress and after a morning of intimacy we would watch our favorite news show- Sunday Morning. After the show we would go for a hike with our son or go bike riding. Things are different now. Like I've mentioned before, our intimacy level is terrible. She thinks I'm being selfish and refuses intimacy with me. Over the past five years it has waned to Sundays only. From there it went to once a month on a Sunday morning, then once a quarter. Now it's nonexistant. So, I wake this morning and she's already up, making noise and avoiding me. It really hurts. I try to explain to her my feelings and she blows me off. It's not like I'm not a good husband. Yes, I drank a lot, but it never really stopped me from doing my job as a husband and a worker bee. I guess I need to let you know what I did on a daily basis for you to see I'm not full of bull.

I got our child ready for school and took him to school while my wife leisurely got ready. I also bring her coffee. I go to work. I pick up our son at the end of the day, cook dinner, make sure his homework is done, do laundry, mow lawn, sweep/clean house. I do 90% of everything for the family. I do it because she has crohns and is tired. I do it because I love my family. I do it because it needs done. I drank to make it easier on myself (which didn't work).Now I do 100% because I'm unemployed. It is OK because I don't work right now, but what happens when I get another job. I don't think I can do it all and have time to live.

Now I'm sober and realizing how much I do and how I put her on a pedestal daily- The Queen. All, I ask is for support with my sobriety, intimacy, and recognition for the things I do. I'm very lonely and sad. Depression stinks, loneliness stinks, sobriety stinks. Thank God for my son because he gives me the reason to carry on in this world of crap.